It can sometimes irritate me when people give in to minor depression, I understand them, and know how they feel, but in the end, it gets on my nerves as I feel they are being lazy and depending on others. I find that recently this year, I'm a much more positive person, which may be due to looking after myself more. So yeah, I feel that looking after your own mental health is of great importance, hence why I can be annoyed when it seems that people are not.
Anyway, this week hasn't been the greatest due to events on Monday that were entirely my fault. I've expected it to hurt and it has, but the pain is deserving, I caused it, I will be the one to fix it.
I have been a big hypocrite though; despite what I feel is right, I haven't been proactive in picking myself up, I've let myself fall. I feel bad for it, because...well it is breaking one of my own personal rules I set for myself, which also links in to the mistake I made:
Pretty much to describe what happened, for a couple of months I've had feelings for one of my best friends, I've known them a long time (two years) and last weekend, I only just realised I had those feelings. It made me realise so much that I had thought was complete bullshit, which really wasn't a nice feeling. So anyway, I decided to ask them out, which is fine, however I carried that task out very stupidly; out of impatience (because I didn't get the chance to properly talk to them that weekend) I did it over a instant messaging service, completely out of the blue. I feel utterly stupid for doing this.
Also in my set of 'personal rules', be careful when allowing yourself to focus on one individual person - all it does is lead you lose people and be dependent on them only, despite how many friends you have. This leads you to be so weak that when you lose that person in one way or another, you think you've lost much more than you actually have lost.
I let myself do this blindly, without any real thought of caution, and so I suffer and continue to do so, through because of my own actions.
I am therefore a fool for ignoring my own rule.
So pretty much, a moral to learn from this:
When you do something along these lines - be careful; don't allow yourself to focus your efforts upon one single person. More often than not, it will be your downfall and you have nobody to blame but yourself.
I know this is quite negative post, but I wrote this rather as a moral story to take note of. Teaching others about my mistake and what to learn from it.
I don't however want to promote being overly cautious, take risks! But still balance caution and risk out well.
And also always remember this phrase, as I have shown you, it is important: patience is a virtue.
Either way, it doesn't matter, you'll learn what you need to learn at some point in your life :)
Also, another benefit of this event is that is its given me some interesting things to write about over the week!!
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